Satanic Diary 1

by Joanne von Spanien

​As usual, I’ve disappointed myself. As usual, up at 4 a.m. to study Latin and German before the subway journey to work. As usual, something goes wrong. It was just more satanic and funny today than the norm.

So the text I was studying today was Latin Vulgate. Specifically John, Chapter 1. To those who don’t know, the Vulgate was Western Christendom’s official version of the Bible up till the modern era.

Now, don’t you hate it when you really REALLY want to work but you’re just so fucking horny. “Paule parve, this is ridiculous,” I told myself. “You’re seeing someone that you’re seeing this evening. Can this really not wait??” After all, I get up this early so I can work, not fuck around.”

The neocortex was willing, the stubbornly antediluvian brain stem was not! But I couldn’t justify completely wasting time either. Multitasking was required. So I kept a YouTube Vulgate recording playing in the background:

In principio erat Verbum … qui non ex sanguinibus neque ex VOLUNTANTE CARNIS … sed ex Deo nati sunt.

Well, at least that was quick. We hadn’t even come to the end of the prologue.

Now to the Sacred Heart of the Matter: Does the fact that this video was the pagan classical pronunciation, as opposed to Christian ecclesiastical, help or hurt my case regarding post-mortem (or post-mortem-parva) inferno?